He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
