Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
