Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
