I'm going to jail i love you
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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