i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize