I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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