I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
