we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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