I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
