but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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