I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
