He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
