The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
do herpes really smell.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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