i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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