He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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