She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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