OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
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she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.