While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob