How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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