you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
