Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.

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  (805): peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees. http://tfl.nu/j4sn
  Replies (11) Good night (2529) Bad night (514)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Do ugly people know they are ugly?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  The quiet ones do.

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  (202): Do ugly people know they are ugly? (1-202): The quiet ones do. http://tfl.nu/129a
  Replies (25) Good night (2109) Bad night (2357)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear

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  (610): connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear http://tfl.nu/s27e
  Replies (22) Good night (3071) Bad night (735)
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  (760): View more from California

  Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that

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  (760): Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that http://tfl.nu/izum
  Replies (75) Good night (968) Bad night (5772)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory

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  (541): we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory http://tfl.nu/4fuz
  Replies (59) Good night (5448) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.

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  (415): It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year. http://tfl.nu/fhgz
  Replies (19) Good night (5858) Bad night (1305)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?

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  (573): So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number? http://tfl.nu/mc1r
  Replies (16) Good night (827) Bad night (4825)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..

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  (541): just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony.. http://tfl.nu/riwy
  Replies (5) Good night (4672) Bad night (1010)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Im just a social blackout drinker.

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  (254): Im just a social blackout drinker. http://tfl.nu/yfwk
  Replies (6) Good night (3154) Bad night (1257)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever

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  (716): She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever http://tfl.nu/gnyf
  Replies (8) Good night (1493) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.

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  (516): I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers. http://tfl.nu/n7z5
  Replies (2) Good night (680) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Whore are you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yes.

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  (202): Whore are you. (301): Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am? (202): Yes. http://tfl.nu/xx42
  Replies (3) Good night (1424) Bad night (226)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.

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  (314): You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex. http://tfl.nu/sc6l
  Replies (4) Good night (591) Bad night (172)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong

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  (253): It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong http://tfl.nu/vfo0
  Replies (0) Good night (410) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.

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  (403): painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both. http://tfl.nu/p28a
  Replies (1) Good night (490) Bad night (238)

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