just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
