Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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