She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
