you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
