I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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