I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
