Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just gift wrapped bread.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
