you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
