your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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