I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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