dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
