just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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