Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
