What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
