just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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