This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
