don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
love makes seman taste better
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
