I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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