How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
