My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
