I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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