I think I died a long time ago.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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