if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
At least make sure they are 18
Why
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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