just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
