If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
