chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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