Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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