where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
