It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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