Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
