now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
