It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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