Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize