CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
