You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
