so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i would punch a child for taco bell
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
