we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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