So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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