I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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