I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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