Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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