Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize