"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
