Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
