y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
