It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
