it was like his penis was on wheels.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she told me i tasted like america
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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