I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
