I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
