and i looked up. we had an audience...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize