Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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