Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
