I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
