I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize