Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
