smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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