She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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