I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
