He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize