Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
