Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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