id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
