I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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